Introduction

I was raised in a cult. I left when I went to college, but didn't really process any of that. I became Catholic and have been slowly losing my patience with the Church over the sex abuse crisis. When my successful weight loss triggered painful traumatic events from my past, I realized that the dysfunctional religion I was raised in had hurt me as much as my dysfunctional family. Now I'm smashing idols to see if any treasure remains among the rubble. It's a messy process.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Drunken Ramblings

Yep, I'm admitting it, out loud even. Sometimes I drunkblog.

Here's the random crap:

I wrote a letter to Papa Frankie. I actually mailed it. To. Vatican. City. This is probably the only time in the history of the world that some random unimportant woman from the middle of nowhere Oklahoma could actually write a letter to the Vicar of Christ and have a snowball's chance in hell of getting an answer, so there's that.

I got a new therapist. She's with Trauma Dynamics of Denver. They're involved in the Phase II trials of the MDMA study by MAPS. I hope it helps, because I am really done with all this top-down processing bullcrap.

My Beloved is awesome. Even though I no longer believe in souls, I believe he is my soulmate.

Finally, I'm trying really fucking hard to figure out why I'm not a homeless, drug addicted, dead prostitute. I have an ACEs score of 9.

Just let that sink in, will ya?

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5 comments:

  1. Jasmine @ Heart in FormationOctober 7, 2015 at 12:49 PM

    Hey TG (hope that's ok?)..You're amazing. Wow, i don't know what you mean by top-down processing aside from brain overloading and sputtering like Flint's machine in "Sunny with a chance of meatballs"-but if that's what it is, I'm with you. Also don't know what you mean by "souls".. Im talking to you right now but we're not in the same room--my spirit/the me inside this body, is hanging out at the place where "you" just were. (is it ok Im writing to you?)
    ;)
    Thanks for writing. Flush it all out! (not to be read as in: get all that crap out, but just-keep going, and yeah, if you feel it's crap...push!
    Love, Jasmine

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tgOctober 7, 2015 at 11:56 PM

      Also TG is fine. Spikes is fine. Whatever. :)

      Delete
    2. tgOctober 7, 2015 at 11:56 PM

      Also TG is fine. Spikes is fine. Whatever. :)

      Delete
  2. tgOctober 7, 2015 at 11:56 PM

    Top down processing is a term for therapeutic interventions like CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), DBT (dialectic behavioral therapy) and other such approaches. They hope to change behavior by changing the way you think about things. And they're great as far as they go. Unfortunately, for complex PTSD, you may never be able to reach healing by just thinking about what happened and making insightful connections.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jasmine @ Heart in FormationOctober 8, 2015 at 5:23 PM

    Dear Spikes, sounds so medical to me. And honestly, when bad stuff happens I block it out so the idea of reliving and looking for connections sounds like let me dig up that box of food that's been underground for 10 years and see how the food looks...
    Im totally into digging up a box thats in a place it shouldnt be (checking out whats inside..? Optional. I've got some bad stuff behind me that I can't even dig around too much because it opens up some bad doors for me), and maybe that's where some divine help can come in, but if you are not enjoying the therapy you're in, Run.
    PS, I love you (does that sound weird? Sorry) and thanks for allowing me to share this journey a bit with you. You're doing great, Keep going!
    Love from Holland

    ReplyDelete

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