So, last time we were talking about the improbable fact of your existence. And how it just doesn't seem overwhelming.
There are things that I have experienced that seem like they were miraculous though. I don't have sufficient data to prove anything in a court of law, but they're convincing to me, most of the time. So, I'm stuck with "you might not be real, you might be real, if you're real, I have significant problems with some of the stuff you do, if you're not real, is the religious experience mostly good or mostly bad", pretty much. Really complicated.
Sometimes I want to just yell at you, and I do. I think it's important, whether you exist or not that people yell and scream and be honest. I'm sick to death of pretending that I have to be so fucking perfect, and only feel the acceptable things. Well, you know what? What happened to me was unacceptable. So if some unacceptable feelings come out of it, tough. If you exist, and you're G-d, and you set this stuff up the way you did, then you can just freaking DEAL if people get hurt and are mad at you.
Another thing I really hate, I hate the way people use you as a giant, cosmic multi-tool. "Oh, you're sad? Jesus." "You're angry? Jesus." "You have a difficult relationship? Jesus." "You want to know what to do with your life? Jesus." It makes me so frustrated. A lot of people use you to avoid dealing with their own shit because Magic Happy Fun Time Jesus is going to just take care of that anyway, so why put any effort out? It's really annoying. I see it in politics, I see it in interpersonal relationships, I see it freaking everywhere.
I don't know if there's a part three in there somewhere. Maybe. I don't know if this gets less complicated. I don't know if I can come back. There's a whole hell of a lot of "I don't know." in my identity right now, and I think I'm just learning to sit with that. Yeah.
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